My Life Has to Have Meaning (Laundry Folding Freestyle)

My life has to have meaning

It’s hard because
I have a hard time not looking at all the opposition around me
It’s hard to focus because
I can’t always put my hands over my ears
or shut my eyes

I run away
I run away because I’m afraid
I’m afraid because I’m a black man,
Married to a white woman,
With two biracial children
All part of the Mississippi court system
More than afraid
It’s terrifying
Even with all my armor
I’m afraid

I think that
I wouldn’t have so much opposition in my life
If I wasn’t meant
to be great
If I wasn’t called to great purposes
Things would be easier
But you know what
But I also wouldn’t have stories to tell
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
I don’t know whether I’m supposed to preach
Or teach
Or sing
Or create music
Or write
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to reach people
But I’m aware of my gifts
And I’m gonna keep practicing
Until I figure it out
Or maybe I’ll create it
My life has to mean something
It’s got to mean something!
I got stories to tell, man
I got stories to tell
Compared to where I started
I got so much
I got way more
Not just physically
Than anybody could know

But as much as I’ve been given,
I have to give back
It’s not up to me
You should wake up every morning
Or go to sleep at night
Knowing why you’re here
I know my purpose here is to give
And again
I don’t know how
Teaching
Preaching
Screaming
I’m supposed to give
And I’m gonna keep doing it
Umma figure it out
Umma tell you
My life right now
My life right now is like walking down a hallway
A dark hallway that’s completely new to me
When I open my eyes on each side that opposes me
I can see bad leaders
I can see stress at the job
I can see stress in my home life
stress in my family life
I can see all these things
I can hear people yelling
I can hear people doubting
I can hear people that want me to stop
That want me to turn around
That want me to fall
I can hear people that would love for me to be another statistic
Another black man that snaps
Loses his cool
And ends up deeper in a [broken] system

My life has to have some meaning
And while I’m on a path to it
I’m gonna keep moving forward
I’m gonna keep using my gifts until I figure it out
Because i want to be ready
When the answers come
I want to have honed all of my skills
Sharpened the swords and the daggers
I want to be able to walk down this hallway of my life
with my eyes open
And shutting everything out on each side
Because my life is bigger
It’s way bigger than all these little things happening
All this opposition
It’s not easy
I’m gonna keep on grinding
Because I’m aware that’s exactly what it is
It’s a grind

One day I won’t have to beg someone
I won’t have to prove to anyone
That I’m a good dad
I won’t have to convince a judge or an attorney
Because the only people qualified to judge me
On the quality of my fatherhood
Are my children
Who else can say?

My life has to mean something
Because I got stories to tell
I got things to say that could help people
And I won’t shut up
I’m gonna keep on screaming
Writing
Recording
Because I’m big picture focused

My life has to mean something